Jimmy Swaggart for Chief Justice

How wonderful that would be. This man has given us so much over the years, but his latest gem is one of those statements that has so much wrong with it, it makes your eyes bleed. Mr. Swaggart decried the concept of gay marriage, imagining a hypothetical scenario where a gay man, overcome with lust for the super-annuated Swaggart, casts lascivious glances his way. Swaggart said if such situation ever did occur, he would "kill him and tell God he died." Loyal Opposition is sure that Swaggart replays this scenario in his head, probably with varying degrees of blood and body oil. But it's tough to know where to begin---sex and violence always seem to go together for these social radicals that make up the evangelical right. The married Mr. Swaggart certainly didn't murder the women who cast similarly lascivious looks (the Lord works in mysterious ways) at him in his televangelist heyday. Swaggart apparently believes he possesses the ability to fool God. Swaggart wouldn't be able to fool the dumbest cracker in Texarkana about his HAIR COLOR. Good luck with that other project. And if you think gay people are so bad, why lie to God at all? Why not put the guy's head on a stick and use it for a tiki torch?

Oh, yeah, the judiciary. Loyal Opposition is exhausted and spent from thinking about Jimmy Swaggart and his sexy murderous impulses. Loyal Opposition is going to change out of its sweat-soaked shirt and flog itself while listening to Jim Nabors records. Good night all.