This just in

Well, it's now official. Alberto Gonzales, the White House Counsel, is the new Attorney General--confirmation will no doubt go smoothly. Alberto replaces John "Anoint Me, Baby" Ashcroft, who is resigning due to health reasons, namely, that he'll probably be Bush's pick for Chief Justice. Al is famous for the executive order establishing the miltary tribunals that have, to date, not convicted a single actual terrorist. Loyal Opposition has studied very closely the executive order---it must have, like the Laffer Curve, been written on the back of a napkin. It is the legal equivalent of trying to spin silk out of a sow's ear. Loyal Opposition congratulates Mr. Gonzales, and looks forward to another four years of hackery masquerading as law enforcement.